The Jenga Effect: How You’re Slowly Losing Yourself (and How to Rebuild)

 Imagine the game of Jenga in front of you.

Each block represents a part of you, your energy, your voice, your needs, your truth.

At the beginning, the tower is strong. Steady. Whole.

But then, slowly, you start removing pieces.

Every time you say yes to please someone else when your body is quietly whispering no,
you give a piece of your energy away.

Every time you wait for the “perfect moment” instead of starting, you give a piece of your energy away.

Every time you follow a “should” instead of what feels right for you, another block is gone.

Every time you promise yourself “after this” after the next deadline, the next milestone, the next season and it never quite comes, another piece disappears.

Until one day, you look at what’s left of the tower and it’s shaky. Fragile.

You’re exhausted.
Feeling disconnected.
Unsure who you even are anymore.

The Hidden Cost of Giving Yourself Away

This doesn’t happen overnight.

It’s subtle. Conditioned. Normalised.

You’ve likely been praised for being the reliable one.
The helpful one.
The one who holds it all together.

But every time you outsource a piece of yourself, your needs, your boundaries, your voice. You erode something deeper:

Your self-trust.

When self-trust is low, patterns begin to form:

• You people please, even when it drains you

• You procrastinate, because nothing feels fully aligned

• You overthink, because you no longer trust your instincts

• You strive for perfection, because it feels safer than being seen

You become stuck in a loop of overgiving, doubting yourself, and feeling less like yourself each time.

Rebuilding Your Tower: One Block at a Time

The good news?

You can rebuild.

Not by becoming someone new but by returning to who you already are.

Here’s how to start:

1. Pause Before You Say Yes

The next time someone asks something of you, don’t respond immediately.

Ask yourself:

“Do I actually want to do this, or do I feel I should?”

Give yourself permission to say:

“Let me get back to you”

“I need to check my capacity”

Self-trust grows in the pause.

2. Replace “Should” with “Want”

“Should” is often the loudest voice but rarely the truest one.

Start noticing your internal dialogue:

“I should go to that event”

“I should be further ahead”

“I should say yes”

Then gently ask:

“What do I want instead?”

Even if you don’t act on it straight away, awareness is the first step back to yourself.

3. Keep Small Promises to Yourself

Self-trust isn’t built through big, dramatic changes.

It’s built through consistency.

Start small:

Go for the walk you said you would

Take the break you promised yourself

Finish one task you’ve been avoiding

Every time you follow through, you place a block back into your tower.

4. Start Before You Feel Ready

Waiting for the perfect moment is one of the biggest energy drains.

Because perfection doesn’t exist only momentum does.

Ask yourself:

“What is the smallest step I can take today?”

Then take it.

Confidence doesn’t come before action.
It comes because of it.

5. Reconnect With Your Body

Your body often knows the truth before your mind catches up.

Start tuning in:

• Tight chest? Something feels off

• Heavy feeling? You might be overextended

• Lightness or calm? That’s alignment

Even just asking:

“What is my body telling me right now?” can bring you back to yourself.

6. Let Go of “After This”

Life doesn’t suddenly slow down.

There will always be another “thing.”

So instead of waiting, ask:

“What do I need now, even in the middle of this?”

It might be 10 minutes of quiet.
A boundary.
A conversation.

You don’t need to earn your own care.

You’re Not Broken, You’re Disconnected

If your tower feels unstable right now, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It means you’ve been living in a way that slowly pulled you away from yourself.

And that can be undone.

One choice.
One boundary.
One moment of honesty at a time.

Final Thought

The goal isn’t to build a perfect tower.

It’s to build one that feels like yours.

Strong. Aligned. Rooted in truth.

Because when you stop giving pieces of yourself away, you don’t just rebuild your energy

You rebuild your trust.